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Agent Putin Began To Turn in Names And Passwords

Sergey Shnurov – you are my hero! I always grimaced at the sound of the songs of the Leningrad group, but this Thursday it was Shnurov, who had retrained as a “novice journalist”, who played the role of a knight in shining armor – the savior of Vladimir Putin‘s big annual press conference from a terrible enemy called “boredom”.
Late ignition has always been a feature of many VVP live lines and press conferences. But at the big Putin press show in 2020, this was superimposed on the specifics of the event format caused by the coronavirus. Endless eyeliners, showing of various halls where journalists gathered, reminders of the need to regularly change masks and microphone knobs – all this for a long time created the feeling of a false start. But then Shnurov appeared, who, according to VVP, did not ask a question, but arranged a provocation: “Why did the Russian hackers not help Trump to be elected this time? And how can a Russian person describe this present life without resorting to obscene language? And that’s it the dam burst the presidential press conference found its breath and rhythm and rushed further along the waves.

I ask citizens not to be angry with me right away. What I will say now does not correspond to the sensations that people face in real life “- with such an unusual, but in 2020, an absolute necessary introduction, Putin began the usual story of” successes “for such events. At the same time, however, it was felt that Vladimir Vladimirovich did not cherish real hopes that citizens would not immediately be angry with him. Statistical data showing that all key economic indicators in our country fell much less than in the West were cited by Putin with apparent reluctance, almost apologizing: “I will use hints (I don’t want to bury myself in numbers, because this is always boring and leads to melancholy), nevertheless – what did we do. Compared to the UK, where GDP said everything collapsed by 9%, this is just baby talk. Achievement, however!

The dialogue between Putin and a lady from Magnitogorsk, who for some reason was not interested in the environmental situation in this largest industrial center, but in the garbage reform, also bore a tinge of some strain. This stylistic discrepancy, apparently, seemed strange to Vladimir Vladimirovich himself, and he “turned the chairs” – he asked the journalist himself: they say, how are you doing there in Magnitogorsk with emissions into the atmosphere? And then the citizens complain to me! And then the miracles began. Honestly admitting that she is a representative of the corporate metallurgical press, the cornered lady-journalist began to get out.

It turns out that the complaining citizens do not understand anything: there was no smog in Magnitogorsk, but fog caused by purely natural factors. And if there is some kind of industrial enterprise in the city, then only the local poultry farm. In short, down with chickens killing our ecology! Well, well, let’s pretend that we believed it. Traditionally, there were plenty of such farcical moments during the presidential press conference. Here is my dear colleague from Ryazan with a misleading poster “I’m pregnant!if she had watched the desired film, slyly adding: “I did not watch it!”)

Immediately after Shnurov, the floor was given to a journalist from the Kremlin pool from a media very close to the authorities. This question sounded like this: “Some time ago, there were several interesting investigations, for example, about your daughter, Shamalov’s former son-in-law and other people who were supposedly close to you. An investigation about Alexei Navalny was released this week. Why has not a criminal case been opened on the fact of his poisoning and who poisoned him, please tell me? And when such questions nevertheless sounded, the GDP did not answer them de facto. But, apparently, Putin’s entourage came to the conclusion that such tactics no longer work, and decided to act according to the principle “the best defense is an offensive.”

Except for the lack of a presidential denial that Shamalov is his former son-in-law (they survived! Agent Putin began to hand over his signatures and passwords!), The essence of this Putin offensive was expressed in a concentrated form in the following phrase: “I want to address the customers of such materials. Not to those who did. These guys, I know, are from the special services. They were given an assignment – they write. Those who order materials of this kind need to be guided not by considerations of revenge, not to be based on their imaginary exclusivity, but to build relationships with other partners in the international arena on the basis of mutual respect. ” In short, guys, let’s live together! (The same thesis was reproduced verbatim by VVP a little later, during another moment of his press conference.) But the bastards will not listen, they will not shake the hand so kindly extended to them!

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